02.03

Did I stumble upon this in the Onion? On the People’s Cube? Nyet, comrades, the plans of our present-day existential enemy to bury us have been exposed by newscientist.com. His excellency, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad has designs to arrest the ascendancy of the West: Launching animals into space!
Iran has launched a rocket containing a rodent, turtles and worms to 500 kilometres above the Earth.
Iranian TV reports that the Kavoshgar-3 rocket carries an “experimental capsule” holding the creatures and other experiments, which will send data back to Earth. It is the first Iranian rocket to carry animals.
Such scientific experiments will help Iran break the “global domineering system” of Western nations, Iran’s president Mahmoud Ahmadinejadis reported to have said on state TV. “The scientific arena is where we could defeat the [West's] domination.”
Rest assured, comrades, this experiment is in no way intended to develop long-range warhead delivery capability, any more than acquisition of nuclear material and centrifuges is meant for anything other than peaceful energy development.
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